Ts Been a Long Day Without You My Friend

Jordy,

The things that I remember about before with a deep rooted clarity now, are not the things I would have expected to make a thou impact on my life. In fact, they are some of the most ordinary moments I ever institute myself in.

And all suddenly, I'k thinking that maybe the ordinary in them is what makes them so impactful, so bright to me at present.

These memories are not the very peaks of the mountain tops. They are not the dark grounds of the valleys. These aren't the moments that had me emotionally charged…for the skilful or for the bad. No, these memories lie in the wide open plains, the flatlands. These memories lie in the days when life was and so damn normal I could see everything that was laid out ahead of me and every single thing that now belongs in the rear view mirror. Those were the days when everything was nestled comfortably in it'south identify and in that location were no surprises. Everything was exactly as it should be.

It was in these days that I could look around and encounter how fortunate I was to be given the life I lived. Information technology was in these days that being in the present was so easy, then elementary.

It is those exact days that I detect myself longing for now.

What I would give for just a little bit of normalcy. The kind of normal that didn't come with a piercing pain moments later it was experienced.

The kind of normal that existed when y'all did.

There were times before losing you that I would close my eyes and twenty-four hour period dream of the extraordinary life I wished to live. I wanted it to be filled with a passion so REAL that it literally moved me. I wanted to live on the edge. I wanted to give up the reigns and lose control for the sake of this passion.  I wanted to be in the rocky terrain, roughing it for this dream.

And afterwards a very long 18 months, I have been forced to realize that a passion like that is often birthed through trigger-happy pain.  Through traumatic heartbreak. Through a magnitude of tears. And through an unimaginable loss.

Certain passions have a price that I refused to see until at present.

I'chiliad so freaking frustrated by this.

I am so ANGRY. And so furious. That there is a passion inside of me created in the aftermath of everything you were.

Tonight, I don't similar information technology. This evening, I don't want information technology. Tonight, I don't need it. Considering this night, I don't need anything but yous.

Merely if I take learned annihilation at all in these last 18 months it's that life doesn't work similar that. Information technology's not fair. And sometimes the one matter you lot genuinely want is just almost the only thing in the world y'all tin't take.

For me, that affair is yous.

And I slowly spin dorsum to that identify where I don't understand how yous could possibly be dead. I don't get it. I can't bridge the gap from our happy childhood to this empty life without you. I can't stop the puzzle. I tin can't connect the dots. And I don't recall I volition e'er be able to.

How in the hell did we become here?  Or rather, how in the hell did I get here without you?

It'southward a question that I will never terminate asking. Because how could I?

I will never stop wondering how I am supposed to live in this crazy world without my picayune brother.

My days lately take been filled with unsettling dreams. With sleepless nights. With tears and with full and complete burnout. I do non know what has come over me, but I cannot stop thinking about you. In everything, I look for you. And in everything I have been finding you. You lot, my sweet blood brother, hide in the strangest nooks and crannies of my life. And information technology makes me miss you so much more.

I never thought information technology was possible to miss someone this much. I never realized that decease could be this devastating. That your absence could exist this difficult for me to grasp. Simply I hateful it when I say I still take moments where I don't believe y'all're actually gone. And having to talk myself back into accepting your death are some of the worst moments of my life.

I miss laughing with you. I actually miss sitting around the dining room table and laughing with you. I never thought I would have to miss that laugh. I never thought I would take to look at a picture to burn your smile into my brain forever. I never thought I would have to write down every memory I could think of because in that location will never be a new one again.  I cling to every single detail I tin think almost you, everything you meant to me and every unmarried thing we did together.  I just never wanted to have to live a life where the memories I had with you were the simply ones I would ever have.

You are so missed.

I can't wait to see you lot again. To wrap my arms around you and force you to hug me for an uncomfortably long amount of time. I can't wait to tell y'all that I love you. I tin can't wait to know exactly how you're doing. To be able to see that you lot actually are okay. To be able to cease worrying.

I'm counting down to when I'll finally become my forever with you.

Dearest you lot. Always. Every 2nd of every twenty-four hours. And I will never stop.

jonesmakered.blogspot.com

Source: https://hopeinthechaos.wordpress.com/2015/07/08/its-been-a-long-day-without-you-my-friend-and-ill-tell-you-all-about-it-when-i-see-you-again/comment-page-1/

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